Can I Ask You A Question? #9

We love answering listener's questions!  

This week we answer a question that comes up a lot!   Is Joanna always so cheery? The answer is of course,  no, and trigger warning, we play an audio of her in the depths of sadness after a rough visit with Gaga.  

When do you look into rehoming pets if your loved one is starting to neglect?

How do you feel about therapy? How important is finding a therapist you vibe with?

Thanks For Listening!
Joanna Anderson & Sue Nicolaidis

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Transcript

Jojo (00:43)
Have you checked on Marta? How's the weather?

You Forgot (00:45)
She's okay. Yesterday I was like, yeah, it says it's gonna be two feet of snow. Do you have groceries? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I actually just went.

But she's okay she did wash her prescription medication this morning though, so ⁓ I don't know what I don't it is one thing after another lately little shit

Jojo (00:53)
That is funny.

Will it be,

but in the bottle, so it should be fine? Or maybe not, not watertight.

you're like, not my problem.

You Forgot (01:09)
No, I'm like how, like she needs it to live. Like I don't know. But like, you know, and you...

Jojo (01:13)
⁓ you know, just that thing, that part of it.

You Forgot (01:19)
Pharmacies don't care if you washed your shit. Like she's SOL until the refill is due.

I don't know.

Jojo (01:24)
I called,

I made sure Slum was like stocked up on groceries too. They're not gonna have a blizzard, but she is getting snow and she's like such a Southern girlie. She's like, I hate the snow. I was like, I know it sucks.

You Forgot (01:37)
She had a lot of experience with it though, like during college, right? I mean, here and there.

Jojo (01:40)
Yeah, I mean, she's lived

there for like four years, but she's like, it's just like gross and muddy and nasty. I'm like, yeah, I would hate that.

You Forgot (01:49)
No, it's pretty for like the first day and then trash.

Jojo (01:52)
And she's like, has

to use public transportation, same with Marta. And she's like, I gotta go park at the train station and then take the train and then walk to my office. I'm like, yeah, it sucks.

You Forgot (02:03)
to shift boots.

Jojo (02:03)
She does have boots now, She said she's all set. Well, I think she's using her Doc Martens, is that okay?

You Forgot (02:12)
I mean, whatever. I mean, I...

Jojo (02:13)
Whatever. have to, I don't know

why the girl has ski clothes. She's never been skiing. I think it's because we were supposed to go skiing during COVID right after Christmas and then Deborah got COVID. So then we canceled. So she has all these like super nice ski clothes that I have to mail to her for her little trip this next weekend.

You Forgot (02:32)
can't wait. Did you tell her what I said?

Jojo (02:34)
Yes. And I said, I, if I Venmo you, will you just book the lesson? And she's like, I just don't think it's necessary. I'm just going to practice on the bunny slopes. I'm like, okay, well I said, if you change your mind, I'll Venmo you, write that, just put it on your credit card. If you change your mind. She said, okay, I'm open to it. I think she's embarrassed because no, no one else is taking lessons because they all know how to do

You Forgot (02:54)
Okay, cause like.

Yeah, and she probably, we're talking about snowboarding people, she probably will be able to pick it up. She's young and athletic enough, right? But it is just a little more nuanced. there's, know, in skiing I feel 1000 % easier. Like I took one, I took a one hour private lesson.

Jojo (03:09)
Yeah, she's never skied.

Well, like even I can ski and I'm not athletic.

You Forgot (03:21)
17 years ago and I've been able to enjoy the mountain with my family since then. But I just, like Marta and Emmy, when Marta decided to try snowboarding, she did classes for like two days, And she was a fucking kid that was scared of nothing. And know, 15 and athletic. And it's just a whole different thing.

Jojo (03:37)
Yeah.

You Forgot (03:45)
Like some skateboarders and surfers, they pick it up, they have that balance thing, and she'll probably be great. But you can do like a two-hour lesson. You know, it's not like you're in lessons all day.

Jojo (03:57)
That's

what I was looking on the website. I was like, it's a two hour lesson, she's like, it's not like this is a mountain. It's like a hill in Pennsylvania. So maybe that's different. I don't know.

You Forgot (04:06)
So

yeah, maybe that, yeah. So she's just going up and down. She's not cutting through trees. Yeah, yeah.

Jojo (04:08)
The elevation's 1800 feet.

Yes.

No,

yeah, but so we'll see. We'll see. She's excited, but I got to get she's like, need my clothes. I got to mail those.

You Forgot (04:21)
Make sure she wears a helmet.

Jojo (04:22)
safety girl will wear a helmet. She's got more anxiety than I do.

You Forgot (04:24)
I look

back at pictures from our first trip and our first ski trip 17 years ago, none of us had helmets on.

Jojo (04:32)
Well, no one did back in the day, right? Until Natasha Richardson.

You Forgot (04:36)
It was Natasha that got me, yeah.

Jojo (04:38)
Is it required now?

You Forgot (04:39)
No, you can be a dumbass.

Jojo (04:41)
I'm texting her right now though, just so I can have it on record that I said wear a helmet.

You Forgot (04:45)
Yeah, everyone does though, you know, yeah. It's, yeah, it's stupid not to. You see some kids and I just like growl my eyes, because they might be the most excellent skateboarder in the world, but there's idiots on the mountain too, or people that are just learning or, you know.

Jojo (04:47)
Okay.

That's right.

It's like you may be an excellent driver, but you still wear your seatbelt because some other idiot might run into you.

You Forgot (05:09)
Yeah, safety first, Sloanie.

Jojo (05:11)
I said please wear a helmet when you snowboard. Google Natasha Richardson.

You Forgot (05:15)
Nothing subtle about that.

I love how we're just like not talking about anything.

all Z related, but yeah, she's like, I don't want to be like.

Jojo (05:21)
She said, girl, I will.

She's like, girl, I will. I'm not gonna die, I promise.

You Forgot (05:28)
Yeah.

now that you say that she probably won't need a lesson, she'll just fall on her butt a lot.

Jojo (05:34)
Okay, Alzheimer's!

You Forgot (05:36)
Woohoo, We got a bunch of questions in the last couple weeks. We've been compiling some, so we thought we would answer some. I like when we get questions.

Jojo (05:44)
I do too. We're just like, we're not experts, but we can tell you what we think.

You Forgot (05:49)
Yeah, and a lot of it is like, if we didn't go through the experience or have like something, like someone that has been on the podcast has, and we've talked about it, we could point you in the right direction. But these are all mostly kind of, there's nothing like legal or anything in here. They're just chit chat questions. This one, I don't know, I don't want to put you in a bad mood, but this one says that we get this a lot.

That Joanna always seems so cheery But I can't get to see I can't I can't seem to get in a good mood dealing with this Yeah, everyone always thinks you're so happy

Jojo (06:21)
I mean, I'm generally happy because I'm highly medicated, but I'm not always happy and you know that.

You Forgot (06:28)
Yeah, and we have a surprise for you. Well, Joanna knows about it. But this was a while ago, but Joanna left a voice note because she, you had just seen your mom, I think, and you were just like at your wit's end. But we're gonna play this and talk about it.

Jojo (06:35)
think it was this summer.

Yes.

You Forgot (06:47)
Maybe make some notes, like a voice memo in case anyone else needs to hear this too. I am sick of crying about this. I am sick of being sad. Like, I know that she's sick. Why does it still make me cry? I'm sick of being sad about it. Like, why can't I just be normal about it? And if she didn't...

like, act happy when I show up, I would stop going, because it sucks. And then I feel selfish for even saying that, because I know, like, some people there, like your mom, Sue, like, they couldn't even talk or react, and you would still go up all the time to see them. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with it. And today she said...

this lady's gonna go take me to McDonald's, I know she doesn't know me anymore. I know that. So why does it make me sad? Like, just, why can't I just accept it? I'm just, God, I hate going up there.

Jojo (07:47)
I'm a crier. Here I am crying once more. Always. I'm either like super happy or super sad. Maybe I'm bipolar.

You Forgot (07:56)
I've thought that. Not about you. mean, about me. Like, I don't know.

Jojo (07:59)
Good thing about it, it's not me.

in the middle.

You Forgot (08:02)
Thanks for letting us play that. But I mean it.

Jojo (08:04)
Yeah.

You Forgot (08:05)
been there.

Jojo (08:07)
Yeah,

the constant guilt, the constant guilt. then that just sick of being sad. I miss the old days when Gaga was Gaga and she was just a delight. Like even like before she got sick, she was always a delight. Super funny, greatest grandma in the world. But even at the beginning of Alzheimer's, she was still a delight. Remember how funny she was?

You Forgot (08:18)
Yeah.

Yeah, and that's another great thing. Like, you guys are lucky that, like, her whole personality didn't change. You know, like, my dads didn't change. My dad was always sweet he was still super sweet. My mom, though, you know, was, like, mad at the world, and I...

Jojo (08:37)
Yeah.

Yeah.

You Forgot (08:47)
I don't blame her. But, and then when she was so far gone, she got a little happier again. You know? Yeah. When little kids would show up at the nursing homes and stuff and like sing or just sit around and do a craft with them or whatever. Like she was like a whole different person.

Jojo (08:49)
Right.

Isn't that crazy?

You Forgot (09:07)
And she always thought that she did not have a way with children. So I thought when I would see her with these kids that she was getting to, I don't know, like hang out with kids. Like she always felt really shy and uncomfortable with kids.

Jojo (09:22)
Which is so crazy, because you're so good with kits.

You Forgot (09:25)
I'm obsessed with little kids. Yeah.

Jojo (09:27)
But do you think she was good with kids? Like maybe that was just her own insecurity, but she was actually really good with kids. ⁓ okay.

You Forgot (09:32)
No.

Yeah, yeah, no, she didn't, she didn't know how to talk to kids or play with kids. I mean, she was nice to them, all the things, but like, yeah, she wasn't like.

Jojo (09:41)
Yeah, yeah.

You Forgot (09:44)
She couldn't relate to them or get on their level or figure out what they liked or were into. She didn't, it was too much.

Jojo (09:51)
Yeah.

My mom was obviously super into her own kids and grandkids, but she was not into other people's kids at all.

You Forgot (10:00)
Isn't that funny?

Jojo (10:01)
Yeah.

You Forgot (10:02)
There's a lot of parents like that.

Jojo (10:02)
But like,

I know, I mean, I'm like you. I love children. I love babies. Bring me all the babies. But like, yeah, my mom would do anything I asked. Like, do you know how many times she would drive up to Plano East and bring, she would have everyone order lunches on their apps at Chipotle, and then she would go pick up their orders and deliver it. She did that like three times a week for my whole science department.

You Forgot (10:25)
For your teacher friends?

Jojo (10:29)
I would send out an

You Forgot (10:29)
my god.

Jojo (10:30)
email and say, hey, my mom's picking up Chipotle today. Order on the app at this location. She'll go pick it up at 1130. And she like, yeah, she did it like all the time.

You Forgot (10:38)
No.

⁓ man.

Jojo (10:42)
Yeah, she was just like, any, she's like, whatever you need, Joanna. She always, whatever you need.

You Forgot (10:47)
I hope I'm like that for my kids.

Jojo (10:48)
It was so helpful because some mornings I just didn't have time to pack a lunch and I text her and I'd like, just Chipotle question mark? Absolutely. You tell me what time. I know it's so good. And I love that my teacher friends still talk about that. Like if I happened, if they comment or something or we're like messaging on social media, they'll be like, how was your mom? They'll be like, God, it was always so great when she would bring us Chipotle. I was like, yeah, it was great.

You Forgot (10:57)
I love that.

Yeah.

Hahaha!

Jojo (11:13)
It's not like she was paying for it, but just the, like, we don't have time to run out and pick it up. Yeah.

You Forgot (11:17)
it's amazing. ⁓

that's really sweet. I love her.

Jojo (11:21)
Yeah. Okay.

You Forgot (11:22)
⁓

Well that kind of kind of rolls into the second question. It was how do you find the energy to visit your mom when it's been clear for a while that she doesn't recognize me and probably doesn't care if I visit?

Jojo (11:26)
Okay.

I don't. That's where I'm at right now. And I have a bad attitude about it. I thought I was gonna be like, I miss the most here all the time. I'm at a mental block with it. It's so depressing to me. I need some help, honestly. don't know how to, maybe I need to go talk to my therapist about it. I haven't seen her in quite a while, maybe two months. Cause I'm just like, she does not know who I am. And at this point, she doesn't even really seem.

You Forgot (11:37)
Yeah.

Jojo (11:59)
just seem happy like when I show up it's like before she'd be like ⁓ yay and now she's just looking at me like who are you and what do you want like and so I'm like well what is the point of me going up there I don't know

You Forgot (12:12)
No, there's definitely a part that happens when you question whether or not the visits are making a difference to her or if you're just doing it because you feel guilty and all those things and you rationalize why you didn't make it up that day or you have every intention to go and then it's like, ⁓ you know, it just...

Jojo (12:32)
I always find

an excuse. And I do, yes, I am very busy, but it's not like I don't have an extra hour in my week. And I also feel guilty because I'm really relying on Dynamite Debs, because I know that she's up there every week and I know that she's changing her sheets and she's making sure shit's getting done. And then I feel guilty that I'm not doing that. And I also live here. don't, it's just, I don't know. I feel like a piece of shit about it, honestly.

He

You Forgot (12:57)
I

I said, didn't I say that in the last episode when people say like, you're such a good daughter, you're just like, no. Like I'm failing at this, yeah. But see, like Deb doesn't.

Jojo (13:03)
No.

Yep, totally failing.

You Forgot (13:10)
I mean if you, if she needed you to go do something, you would absolutely go do it. Cause you're almost, like it's, yeah, and it's-

Jojo (13:14)
I would drop everything and do it, but it's like, once

again, it's like, she's doing all the thinking and I'm like, how can I help instead of me just anticipating, you know, what needs to be done?

You Forgot (13:24)
Well, it's hard on everyone and she ended up being the lead because she could and she's great at it and with her time and her schedule, it just worked out like that. Yeah, yeah, it sucks. remember I was I was frozen. Like I'd be like, okay, I have to go up there today.

Jojo (13:29)
Yeah.

You Forgot (13:41)
And then I would be sit in my house and just like, do anything but get ready to go up there. I'm like gardening or like, you know, I would go through phases. I haven't, that was the last time I was like, ooh, I can do something in the backyard and plant things. And then it was just to distract me from being a shitty daughter and not going up there. And then I would like look at the clock and be like, okay, if I cruise through now, I can drop off stuff she needs.

but I really would, then I'll have to leave to go pick up the kids. So I won't get stuck there and I have this excuse, drove you crazy.

Jojo (14:13)
I know, I totally get it. I think I texted Deborah like, I might go see mom on Sunday, does she need anything? And she was like, no, I can't think of anything. I mean, it was like, I'm not going then. It's not terrible. Like, what's, if she needed like, she's out of, I don't know, creamer. Okay, I'll go get that. But if like, I can't find a reason to go. So it's like, that makes me feel like shit.

You Forgot (14:36)
I know, it's so tricky. Because if you go up there, you ditch some of the guilt, but you replace it with a different shitty feeling. Like, I just saw my mom and it's not my mom and my mom doesn't know me. you weigh the pros and cons of these two hideous feelings.

Jojo (14:46)
Yeah, there's no

Yes, totally. It's like, which one would I rather bear today? And it's almost always the guilt. Because her, ⁓ God, I gotta stop crying. Her not knowing me sucks and I still can't handle it. I just can't handle it.

You Forgot (15:09)
You don't have to. No one should be going... Yeah. Joe!

Jojo (15:10)
Yeah.

haha

You Forgot (15:13)
This is gonna be the magic clip on the internet.

Jojo (15:17)
I know and it's like if we want to be real honest, I've got so much on my plate right now and the... It's like, god, I can't believe I'm gonna say this. Like if she died, it would be one less thing on my plate.

You Forgot (15:17)
Cheerio!

That's normal. It's normal.

Jojo (15:31)
Yeah. That's so selfish though.

You Forgot (15:32)
And

no, it's not because it's just when we talk about like, she's not gonna get better. It's a terminal disease and you want them to pass so that they don't have to go through because the health will just fail and she can't tell you what's wrong, you know, all the things.

Jojo (15:50)
Yeah, we were, think either I made this up or we were talking about this, me and my sisters about like euthanasia. And I think Deborah was like, you know, I don't, if that was an option, I don't think it would be the time right now. Cause she's still, even though she didn't know anyone or anything, she still seems happy. Like she's not miserable and her health is still good. It's like she feels good physically.

You Forgot (16:08)
Yeah.

I would have popped all those pills down my mom's throat she was unrecognizable, miserable, no quality of life.

Jojo (16:22)
No, no.

You Forgot (16:24)
But yeah, we're not gonna off Gaga yet.

Jojo (16:25)
We're not off in Gaga yet. If I had to

clean up her poop though, that's a different story.

You Forgot (16:32)
Well, I did not ask my friend if I could retell this story, but without naming names, my friend took her mom for a health screening and she decided to, you know, crap her pants and it was like a big shock and my poor friend...

Jojo (16:48)
Is this a thing that happens,

like with this person?

You Forgot (16:51)
I think it has happened before, but it wasn't like something that they were worried about every time they took her out of house. Yeah, I don't really know all the details. All I know is I just got a text like, yep, I think you'll appreciate this because I mean, and I'm like, been there, done that. Like, and that's another thing. We've taught, we've touched on this somewhat, but it's a huge question. When do you stop?

Jojo (17:00)
Yeah.

You Forgot (17:16)
taking them to the doctor for any kind of screening or anything. Yeah, it's like, kind of.

Jojo (17:21)
Yeah, we're done with that. stopped. What's the point? It's like.

You Forgot (17:26)
Yeah, I know I never took my mom for like mammograms or anything like that by the time she had moved here. But like, I would still have to take her out for a physical or whatever. And then you think now, like what is the freaking point? It's like an hour for them to find a vein. They always had to take it from her hand. Getting a urine sample, like murder me. Like, and I'm telling my mom, I'm like, you know,

Jojo (17:42)
Mm-hmm.

I know.

You Forgot (17:50)
drink some more water or you have to pee. She's like, okay. Like, and.

Jojo (17:53)
Beyond. think Deborah still takes Gaga to the eye specialist because we do want her to have sight and she's got all these eye issues that happened during COVID when we couldn't take her to the doctor. So that's like, I get that, but like physicals? No. Preventative care? No.

You Forgot (17:54)
I re-

Yeah, because they can't tell the doctor.

something even hurts. Yeah.

Jojo (18:13)
No.

But your mom was having like UTIs, right? Like she needed a urine sample.

You Forgot (18:18)
She did have one.

Yeah, she was, she had one pretty early on. And I mean, I remember like in the bathroom at this doctor's office, I'm crying. She's so frustrated. And I'm like.

Jojo (18:31)
How did you get her

to pee in a cup? I can't even imagine.

You Forgot (18:35)
I don't even remember.

Yeah, it was hideous. First of all, like, you know, yeah, you don't want to be in these intimate situations with your freaking mom. can't, you know, grasp the concept of having to pee in a cup while I'm holding it and like in between her legs and come on, come on.

Jojo (18:44)
No!

No.

No, no, no,

no, absolutely not.

You Forgot (18:58)
I, yeah, I hope my kids never have to deal with that. This is kind of like a little off topic, but you know, another celebrity death, but Eric Dane, when he had ALS, but that, I don't know anything about the, well, I do know something. A girl that I went to grade school with, and she's from my hometown, and she was great friends with a lot of my friends from back then.

She had it and it was years and years and years and years and years. And I think she fought her ass off because she had three kids and it was like, she was bedridden for the last, it was horrible, horrible. But Eric Dane's experience with it was like 10 months. I just thought like, I wonder if he,

Jojo (19:31)
Yeah.

horrible.

Yeah, less than a year. I don't understand.

You Forgot (19:44)
kind of took care of it himself. Like I wonder because I would have.

Jojo (19:46)
Yeah.

I don't know either, but it

did seem like, ⁓ that was real quick. Like maybe he did and no judgment.

You Forgot (19:51)
If there's a wait,

no, God no.

Jojo (19:55)
Mm-mm. Don't put your babies through that.

You Forgot (19:57)
No. And did you see what they're doing on ⁓ Netflix? The famous last words, or these are my last words, it's called? He did an interview like two months ago and they played it on the day they die. And there's other people that it happened with too, like, and it's that Brad Falchek.

Jojo (20:03)
No.

Ice.

It popped up on my

TikTok and I was like, nope, nope, nope. I can't watch that. I cannot.

You Forgot (20:18)
Yeah, I haven't watched the episode, but what a crazy concept. Hey, you have a terminal illness, can we do an interview? And then we're gonna, it's gonna be on Netflix, like the day you die.

Jojo (20:29)
I mean, yeah, I guess for some people, they'd be like, yeah, let me let my words live on in infamy. And what is that word? Infamy or.

You Forgot (20:30)
it

Infamy, yeah, so

maybe that's why he did it, but. ⁓

Jojo (20:40)
But I was like, I am

not in the right headspace to watch that right now.

You Forgot (20:44)
No, no, I didn't. I came downstairs the next morning and Anthony goes, hey, your doctor, they just did a story on your doctor on Good Morning America and I was like, my doctor? And I was like, are you talking about that Peter Atiyah thing? And he goes, no, the guy that just died. And I'm like, he's not a real doctor.

Jojo (20:44)
or probably ever.

Because he was was he McSteamy or McDreamy? ⁓

You Forgot (21:05)
Yes, McSteamy, I cannot believe

you never watched Grey's Anatomy. ⁓ It's my favorite I love it so much. I'm gonna switch the order of these questions because you kind of touched on this one too. How weird. But when you mentioned therapy, the question is how do you feel about therapy? I never went, but I feel.

Jojo (21:11)
Nope. Ever watched it?

What?

You Forgot (21:28)
buried with high school kid stuff and overseeing my parents life. I may need to talk to someone with objective opinions. What do you find beneficial about it? Is it hard to find a therapist you connect with and how important is that?

Jojo (21:39)
my God, so important. had a, once you find a therapist that knows your whole backstory, it's like, I'll never leave you because I cannot go through this whole backstory again with someone. But I did, at one point my insurance changed, so I had to change my therapist. And this lady and I were not vibing and I only had one session with her and no offense to anyone that's Christian, but she was like, I'm super Christian and you know, maybe you need to read the Bible. And I was like, ew.

You Forgot (22:06)
Oh, really? See, that's not an objective opinion.

Jojo (22:06)
No, this is not going to work. Yeah, ew. No,

that's and that's what I love about therapy is it's someone that doesn't know you, doesn't know your family, is not going to say things that they think you want to hear. They're going to say things that you need to hear. And I promise you, your story is not original. They've heard the story a million times and they know they know how to guide you through that because that's their job. They're experts. That's what I love about therapy.

I'm like, no one's ever had my childhood. Yes, they have. Yes, they have.

You Forgot (22:37)
Yeah, I've never gone. I mean, as a little kid, I got sent to like family counseling. Yeah, was kind of like, yeah, we were just going through some stuff, changes in the family or whatnot. And my mom thought it would be.

Jojo (22:43)
you did?

You Forgot (22:53)
be beneficial, I think I went twice. I was crying like before, like in the pre-interview thing, like I was like, they had me draw pictures of shit and then I was describing it and they were...

And they were, ⁓ like I was already crying. But I think my brother had to go a couple times. I don't know. But yeah, I've never gone as an adult. I don't know, just, it has no interest. I don't think.

Jojo (23:08)
Yeah.

Well, some

people, it's not helpful for some people. Like Deborah is like, I know that would not be helpful for me. I can figure things out in my brain and bounce things off of my friends. And so that's totally fine. It's not helpful for everyone. I just, I love it. And then also I love marriage counseling. We go once a year to this therapist in downtown McKinney. We call it our oil check. We bring our list of grievances and then she talks us through it. And then we all realize.

silly this is, we're all being petty and stupid and then it's like we're in the best mood afterwards because we're like, ⁓ we kind of worked some things out, we're both being stupid.

You Forgot (23:53)
See, I don't think that would work for me. Because like...

Jojo (23:55)
Yeah

You Forgot (23:57)
I, first of all, I don't think Anthony would be honest.

Jojo (24:01)
yeah.

You Forgot (24:01)
I don't, not that he's a liar, I just don't think, you know, I don't think, and I'd be sitting there going like, ⁓ it didn't happen like that, that's exaggerating, you learned that from me, like I just, I wouldn't, and then he would start laughing and be like, we're so good, why are we even here? Like, you know, like he wouldn't, and I also know,

Jojo (24:03)
No.

Yeah.

You Forgot (24:19)
If I aired like real grievances or something that like really hurt my feelings or something, he wouldn't be able to leave it in that room. You know how I know that I know that you're supposed to because my other friend loves couples or marriage counseling too, and they do it like you. It's like a check in, tune up, And she said the same thing. They're in a great mood after they feel lighter, they move on and

Jojo (24:27)
Okay.

You Forgot (24:42)
You know, it's great. I feel anything I said would be held over my head. I wouldn't trust that he could leave it in that room. If I said something. Yes. if I said something negative, that's all he would hear. He wouldn't hear

Jojo (24:50)
And that is like a key. You gotta leave it in the room. Yeah.

You Forgot (24:58)
anything positive, he would just hold onto that negative thing.

Jojo (25:01)
Yeah,

yeah, I get that. It's like a

You Forgot (25:03)
Yeah, so I won't risk it.

I won't risk it with them because I don't think I would be honest too because if I was like honest, it would be a big fight.

Jojo (25:10)
It does turn into that sometimes, luckily we're usually able to come to a reasonable conclusion within our 50 minutes. And the conclusion is usually, that was a stupid fight. We're both idiots. We're both imperfect. Let's just move on.

You Forgot (25:25)
See, he doesn't do that. I know I can do that. yeah, I was crazy that day. I don't think he would be able to, because when he'll be like, you're so mad at me, or you're being mean or something,

Jojo (25:29)
Yeah, I was, that was

You Forgot (25:37)
You are too, but I don't think, my God, he hates me, he's leaving me, you know. 24 or five years into this, like relax. It is unbelievable to think that people can get along all the time forever like that.

Jojo (25:42)
now.

Yeah. Relax.

Right,

we're all imperfect and we're at the 30 year mark. The kids are always like, God, you guys bicker all the time. I'm like, this is just what we do. This is just what we do. It doesn't mean anything and neither one of us take it seriously.

You Forgot (26:04)
Yeah, there's no way he takes things way more seriously. but then it's to the point now where I'm, I end up, I feel like he's literally right here listening to me by the way.

Jojo (26:14)
I know,

I know this one is too. And Matt listens to the pod religiously.

You Forgot (26:18)
This one does not. Why is he in my room?

Jojo (26:20)
You can cut all this if you want.

You Forgot (26:22)
Fuck no. Perfectly imperfect.

I really feel like he's like listening. But anyway, yeah, I haven't done it. Therapy, I've said this before, the podcast turned out to be therapy. this turned out to be therapy for me because for years, since my mom passed and before we started this, I would, you know, have dreams.

Jojo (26:34)
Totally.

You Forgot (26:42)
They were both still alive, I was fucking everything up. I mean, it happens all the time. I have a reoccurring one, but they stopped. The terrible ones stopped. Now it's more I can manage it. But I maybe should have saw someone when I was dealing with that kind of thing. When it's not interpersonal with your loved ones, it's just me trying to get rid of that thing hanging over my head. But.

Jojo (27:01)
Yeah. Yeah.

You Forgot (27:05)
I don't know doing this and talking to so many people and you realize...

you know, the guilt is, it's gonna be there and you're gonna get rid of it somehow. Or you're not and you're just gonna move through it and...

Jojo (27:15)
Yeah.

You Forgot (27:16)
Did we answer that question? Yeah. You love it.

Jojo (27:18)
Yeah.

I love it. It's helpful for me. But if you feel like it wouldn't be helpful for you, don't waste your time.

You Forgot (27:25)
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not gonna. This one's kind of interesting. My dad has a dog and it's getting harder for him to care for him properly. When do I look at rehoming? The dog still brings so much joy but dad can't exercise him properly and is forgetting meds and feeding and just ugh.

Jojo (27:42)
Okay, I don't like the idea of rehoming for the dog's sake. Can you find someone to come in and help? I know that's like an added expense.

You Forgot (27:47)
I know.

I know, I think before starting the rehoming process I would see if there's even neighbor teenagers or you know middle school kids so that would be able to walk it. Who knows, I don't know the size of this guy or whatever but I would try to go that route before rehoming.

Jojo (28:10)
But you also want to make sure the dog is, yeah, being cared for in the appropriate way. Yeah.

You Forgot (28:14)
I

And if this

is just more that falls on her, that's sucky.

Jojo (28:19)
Yeah.

I mean, if you have the money to throw money at the problem, that's what I would do. If you don't, yeah. And if it's weighing on you too, then maybe rehoming is the kindest option for everyone.

You Forgot (28:32)
It's sad.

Jojo (28:33)
That's a tough one, pal. What is that quote from?

You Forgot (28:36)
I always think about

my aunt and uncle had their dog and they were able to take it to assisted living and then my uncle passed and the dog was still there with my aunt. But then she couldn't take it because she was walking it and stuff still. But then a girl that worked there adopted him and so and then she would still bring him in for visits. Isn't that sweet? I know.

Jojo (28:54)
⁓

best solution.

I mean, we all know the fate of Ziggy. God, that's cat.

You Forgot (29:05)
Do we though?

Jojo (29:06)
I think we know. But I'm not a cat person.

You Forgot (29:09)
I yeah, and then I got Bernie for a couple years because my mom, this cat was literally the love of my mom's life. cannot believe how

obsessed she was with this cat. He would hug her and he was very beautiful, but she literally forgot she had him. Like she forgot taking care

Jojo (29:23)
my god.

I mean, same with Gaga and Ziggy.

It's like love of her life. She doesn't remember.

You Forgot (29:35)
in a room,

like a 12 by 12 room, like in assisted living. she forgot, did she wonder why there was like cat food around? or understand forgetting to clean the box because it's like the worst chore in the universe. But yeah, she wasn't hanging out with them, cuddling, super weird.

Jojo (29:39)
Yeah.

Yeah.

So weird.

You Forgot (29:53)
And then she had come over for dinner, and this was after I moved the cat in with us, and she was like, ⁓ kitty. I thought, mine was blown.

Jojo (30:02)
and she didn't know it was her kitty? That's insane.

You Forgot (30:05)
She sat with him and she pet him and he's freaking out. His mom's back.

Jojo (30:09)
But did she know you,

still?

You Forgot (30:11)
Yeah, because she was still living, she was at the first place, so she was still across the street.

Jojo (30:15)
OK.

You Forgot (30:17)
crazy times. Like how do you forget your cat? She had that cat for, you know, 15 years at that point or something.

Jojo (30:18)
I know crazy crazy.

That's the other thing, cats live a while. That's a commitment.

You Forgot (30:26)
I know that cat, he was a really cool cat, ⁓ he had an abscess on his face and he kept scratching it on the walls. I'd walk by a pillar and there's blood all over it. like, gotta get this guy out of my house.

Jojo (30:30)
Cool cat.

Disgusting.

Yeah,

sorry to all the cat lovers.

You Forgot (30:43)
Speaking of cats though,

I'm seeing a cat like every day on my walk now. No stray cats in this neighborhood forever. never ever ever see them. And I saw two today and I've been seeing a cat every day for last two weeks. Isn't that weird?

Jojo (30:58)
That is where our neighborhood is full of stray cats everywhere.

We have one sweet little neighbor that will gather them up and go get them fixed.

You Forgot (31:06)
Yeah, see that's what I'm maybe we had that going on in this neighborhood and that's why we didn't see a bunch of them. I like cats, but I was like, maybe we'll get a cat now that we have like a bunch of rooms where I could put the cat box and Anthony was like, no. Because that was the problem before.

Jojo (31:12)
Yeah.

I can't deal with that cat box.

You Forgot (31:21)
That was the problem before. We didn't have a ⁓ spare bathroom to put that box in. And so was like in my bathroom and then I'd be sleeping and I could smell him. Ugh.

Jojo (31:25)
Yeah.

Nope. Nope. Can't

do it. Speaking of, I need to go pick up the dog poop outside. That's my job.

You Forgot (31:36)
I didn't know that the lawn guy was coming the other day and I didn't. Whoopsie. All right, well that's all we got for these questions. Got anything else? Should we wrap it up? Should we cry again?

Jojo (31:45)
Okay? Productive!

I mean, why not? Sometimes I'm like, how do I still have tears? Yeah, for those of you saying Joanna is so cheery all the time, I literally cry every day. And I'm on medicine. just, I'm a crier.

You Forgot (31:59)
See, I don't think I can, because of like Prozac.

Jojo (32:02)
The zo loft is not zo lofting maybe, I don't know. I do like, maybe I enjoy a good cry though.

You Forgot (32:03)
Yeah.

Maybe you need a...

Yeah. I saw Wuthering Heights. That kind of made me, yeah, tear up a little bit.

Jojo (32:11)
⁓

But some people are saying they were laughing and I don't get that.

You Forgot (32:16)
I don't either, but I also am not some literary, like I know it veers from the book. mean, come on. When was that? It's Bronte. I don't think I've read the book either, but I saw the movie.

Jojo (32:25)
I don't even know this story, I've never read this.

And why do I hate

the word, Wuthering? I'm like, it should be withering, right? What is Wuthering?

You Forgot (32:35)
I don't know, it's

the name of their house, like their property. Yeah, I had seen the movie from, the version from the 30s a million times, I don't know why, with my mom, my mom loved movies, so I had seen it with her and I thought the storyline was kind of like that adaptation, so I don't know what else it could have been. I didn't read the book. I don't know, but I thought it was great.

Jojo (32:39)
⁓ okay. Okay, okay.

You Forgot (32:59)
⁓ It's so beautiful and Emerald Fennell, she's the writer-director that did like ⁓ Saltburn and that was beautifully shot too. Like yeah, every scene and that was beautiful and the costumes in this and because Cathy's poor and then she's rich so when she's like poor she's running around, has you know animal blood on her clothes all the time and then she's rich and she's in these like crazy gowns and like head pieces and

Jojo (33:06)
Yeah. Okay. Well, I Southburn.

You Forgot (33:26)
the jewelry, it's just like over the top, but beautiful. And the story is...

like, you know, soulmates that kind of lose track of each other and go on with their lives and then, yeah. I don't know. It's...

Jojo (33:35)
Okay.

Is it how long is it? For some reason I have

a mental block over two hours.

You Forgot (33:42)
It's two hours, but I tell you what, I did not once look at my phone to check the time. And I haven't been to a movie where I've done that. I checked out, I was 100 % into this movie. I loved it.

Jojo (33:48)
Okay.

Okay, maybe

I'll go see it.

You Forgot (33:56)
yeah, I think it's worth it, for sure. I know, I don't know what the people were laughing at. I guess it was the fact that they didn't think it was anything like the book or like a crazy adaptation. But it's been made into a movie, I think like five times. Like there's the 30s version, then there's, I think Julia Binoche is in one, Ray Fiennes maybe. Yeah, there's like three or four. So come on. Like.

Jojo (34:09)
Wow.

I mean, I feel like Margot Robbie can do no wrong.

You Forgot (34:22)
Yeah, she's adorable. I felt like the age difference was a little, you could kind of tell the age difference a little bit, but maybe not. But maybe that's, I, whew, I have another issue though. Like I'm saying this, but I'm not saying it like, my God, but I have been told that my son looks like him, and I know what people mean.

Jojo (34:28)
Okay. I mean, we love Jacob Elordi.

Start with looking.

100%.

You Forgot (34:45)
I'm not trying to say my kid's like this movie star, but it's his eyes. It is like looking at Jude's eyes. They are the same shape, they kind of come down. And his cousin said that Jude was like 17, I remember. It was a picture from high school. And his cousin was like, he looks like that kid on Euphoria. And I was like, what?

Jojo (34:49)
Yes.

You Forgot (35:09)
Because his nose is totally different, like he really doesn't, but he does. So it's kind of like, it's kind of ruined the Jacob Elordi for me.

Jojo (35:13)
No, I can see it.

Yeah,

I get that. I get that.

You Forgot (35:20)
Yeah, but also, you know, we're so old. I'm like, my god, they're like my son. I'm so proud of them, you know, like, the heated rivalry kids. I'm like so proud of them. I'm not hot for them, you know.

Jojo (35:31)
No, I feel like they're moms.

You Forgot (35:33)
Yes.

You are their mom. my God, we watched the gold medal, the hockey game today and I just kept going, kiss, kiss. And Anthony's like, stop it. They're not gonna kiss. And I'm like, they kiss on the other hockey show.

Jojo (35:36)
You

Yes!

But know, like people are actually chanting

that. They're chanting that at real games now and I love it. It's so good.

You Forgot (35:51)
It's so funny. Kiss!

There were some adorable hockey players on our team though. So, yeah. Alright, well that's it for today. I think.

Jojo (35:57)
Good.

Thank you

for the therapy session.

You Forgot (36:04)
Thank you for the not therapy session I will be going to.

Jojo (36:07)
Okay.

You Forgot (36:08)
Did you hear

that? Okay, bye.